kennedy's Journal
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Thursday, November 6, 2008
9:42PM
i cant use this account anymore. i'll tell you my new one at school, okay?
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
6:23PM
i had major news this morning after a little "incident". so i messaged Mona on myspace on my phone because i just HAD to tell her. i knew she'd care and help me out. And then i called my cousin because i was a blabbering idiot.... there is also one sophomore who isss ssooooooooooo annoyingggg. so i moved back to my old seat in HTML near Ali and Jay. that made me happier. because the "soph" i sat next to kept talking and complaining about her lifeeee. ughhh. so i asked jay to save my sea and she did. so that made my day. and i have HTML for the hour tomorrowwww :)
tomorrow's the wake and i am not sad at all. weirddd.
Current mood:  giddy
Saturday, October 25, 2008
8:18PM
i honestly dont know what to feel right now. there's just so much going on and everyone's too busy, and so i cant call anyone. i just need to vent because i've been holding everything in for the past month. i still cant really talk to my cousin about it, but i always used to talk to Woody about my secret, and he hasnt been picking up his phone. so i just feel... alone? i guess. i have no one to talk to about my secret because only Widda and Woody know. And widda's busy and Woody hasnt picked up his phone. i think im going to dieeee.
i got new house phones yesterday, so i dont have to talk on my cell.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
9:26AM
okay so my family knows that my uncle IS going to die. there's nothing we can do anymore and now we're waiting for him to pass. everyone's saying to give it 2 or 3 weeks, but i say a week. idk. i can do funerals, but NOT wakes. they scare the shit outta me. i cant just pray and kneel in front of a dead body for 2 minutes. i think its scary, gross, awkward, and morbid. ahhhh i dont wanna do thisssss.
so i am applying to Chester and i have no portfolio whatsoever. and they require a portfolio. and you know how im writing a friend into my book? well i made it into a short story for the portfolio. once i send it in, i'll go back and change the ending so that it can be put into the book. b/c in the short story version, she dies. but in the book version, she doesnt. so yeah. i have so much to do. i need to study for the SATs that im taking THE DAY AFTER HALLOWEEN :( ugh. which means i cant stay at widda's for too long. my dad thinks i shouldnt even go but i really do.
btw, still havent bought a halloween costume. i need to buy more hair dye too. i want another post secret book, so me and mum are heading out to the bookstore soon.
Current mood:  busy
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
10:52PM
so im done crying. lol. not really. still majorly upset and i have no idea who to talk to since i cant really talk to my family about it. im trying to get my mind off it this very second. breaking down into tears isnt going to help the situation at all. i'll be happy once im in html on thursday.
but honestly, this whole thing has made me more aware of everything. maybe, when i get older, as a side project i'll do an awareness kinda thing.
in the meantime, guess what time of year it is!! SOLDiER SANTA!!!! i'll be sending out facebook invites soon and i'll be printing out hundreds of flyers to give to people at school and such even though mrs. cerasuolo said i couldnt. oh well. tim's good friend josh is leaving for his second tour in Iraq in a couple of hours (1 am) and i hope he's safe. cant wait til he's stateside next summer.
so yeah, soldier santa has gone a tad smaller this year because well, its a long story, but yeah, the list is shorter too. but i still hope for the same response we got last year.
and we'll be lighting the Timmy Tree this year too which is a Christmas tree that my family puts on our front lawn. It's decorated in patriotic colors and has ornaments with the names of my brother's names on them as little prayers for them. this year, im totally less embarrassed about SOLDiER SANTA. im proud of Tim, his friends, and the country he fights for.
Monday, October 6, 2008
7:46PM
im so stressed outtt. urgh.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
9:04PM
mad short hair ^_^
Monday, September 29, 2008
4:28PM
tu sabes que te extrano??
tu sabes que te quiero??
tu sabes que quiero tu voz??
tu sabes que quiero cuando te llamo??
tu sabes que quiero ser con tu??
tu sabes que creo sobre tu todos los dias de la semana??
tu sabes que seras en Massachusetts si me quieras??
por favor, sabes que te quiero.
Current mood:  restless
Sunday, September 28, 2008
he's not mine and he never will be. i've never loved someone so much before. I havent known him long, but boy, he knows me more than i know myself. i even told him i loved him. i just blurted it out. i just wish it was possible, but it just isnt. i wish he truly understood how i feel about him. he lives like 3 hours away in springfield. oh, and my parents would never let me date him anyways. but i would have my sister and maria to help. either way, he doesnt have enough of my trust. i do want to trust him, but i have serious trust issues. and listening to Usher every night surely isn't helping. i can dream, can't i?
we havent talked in days and i miss the sound of his voice. i miss his laugh. and the way he says my name...
Current mood: lonely
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Note to self: Stop kidding yourself. Although you love him, he doesn't eve like you.
Love,
Me
Current mood: crushed
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
3:11PM
it. hurts. so. bad.
<|3
Current mood: numb
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
8:52PM
i have no idea how im feeling. its indescribable, really. i mean im not exactly happy. i feel awkward and embarrassed. and relieved at the same time.
PS: im breakable.
Current mood:  indescribable
Monday, September 22, 2008
3:23PM
right now, i am PROMISING myself to not be broken hearted if he's just a tease. I'm not so naive now, but im just as breakable. I know enough to prepare myself for that scenario, the one where he says "Oh, i was just playin around". Like Rachel said, I'm going to be careful. As much of a friend as he is, if he IS playin, i'll never talk to him again.
i love how i'm listening to "Burn" by Usher. It's a coincidence, i swear. LOL
today was a great day.
Current mood:  pensive
Friday, September 19, 2008
3:56PM
i'm so sick of school. im getting good grades but it's hard as hell. im absolutely killing myself. math = death. media/html = a waste of time.
i mean, i know where i want to apply but i have absolutely no will power to sit down and fill out the applications.
finally, i get to write a little 2nite. i havent written since the summer! i cannot wait. and if my sister is on the computer, i will throw a fucking tantrum until i get this computer because life without writing is like living without air. simply impossible.
and Woody? dont get me started.
Current mood:  stressed
Friday, September 12, 2008
11:03PM
And all was right with the world <3
Thursday, September 11, 2008
5:48PM
i got a reply message from him. and it shocks me to say this, but now im just pissed off. i shouldnt be but i am. i feel absolutely indescribable. i told him i'd call 2morrow but i just finished my homework so maybe i'll call 2nite.
Current mood: crushed
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
8:18PM
it's not that i have forgotten him, oh no. of course not. i still think about him a lot. but i really have to focus on my schoolwork. everythings okay for now but it's only the first full week of school. and im already loaded with work. but i still like him very, very, VERY much. and i think i would fall to pieces if he called. :)
this year is freaking me out. i'm actually doing homework. and i do not understand one bit of math this year. ughhh.
Current mood: busy
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
3:57PM
i've started another portrait. it's harder than i thought and now i must finish it! haha. it will be a challenge. and this time, i will try it without any help. maybe it will be a christmas gift if it turns out well. or if we are still speaking. ha. i'm taking my friends' guesses about the whole situation. i'll keep telling myself over and over again why. and if my situation ends up being like rachel's i will just forget so i can focus. but honestly, i'm legit praying. i think my diary is confused haha.
this year is sucking already. i have so much homework tonight. :(
Current mood: stressed
Monday, September 8, 2008
4:17PM
i wonder if my diary is getting tired of his name...
<3
Current mood:  confused
Saturday, September 6, 2008
10:06PM
i miss him so much that it hurts. and i'm honestly not exaggerating. i have to read 2 summer reading books by monday and i just cant because he's all i can think about. his face just sticks in my mind. his profile song rings in my ears. all day. every day. oh my god. i cant do this. i cant stand one more second without the sound of his voice. i know, it sounds like i'm talking shit but its true. i know i honestly extremely dislike God, but earlier tonight, i prayed the Our Father and Hail Mary. a bit much? maybe, but i'm telling you, this boy is WORTH iT.
i've noticed that every song is some romance song. whether its about a crush, full-on romance, or dumping, its always about love.
i think i cracked concrete falling for him.
EDiT:::
i cried. yeah, i admit it. i miss him so much, i cried. i can't stand one more second of this. if this keeps going on, i might fail 1st quarter. this sucks. im beginning to feel physically sick. like, my stomach aches and my head hurts. this blows. i left him a cmnt and i wanna leave him another one but i dont wanna sound like a whinebag.
[You'll always be my thunder]
Current mood: crazy
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